Impression Management

We live in a world full of impression management. Spin-masters twist lies and half-truths to appear as truth. Manipulative leaders utilize power and control-the twin tools of deceit- to convince people of their leadership purposes and plans. They feign humility through the mild acknowledgement of minor transgressions and the promoting of high sounding self-righteousness.
Thank god for truth.
Truth is powerful and liberating. When it is set free it cuts through impression management like a hot knife in butter. Nonetheless we often avoid the truth. And unlike impression management, truth is not loud or fast talking. It is patient, steady and waiting to be invited into places where it may not be completely wanted.
A commitment to be persons of truth can sometimes make us targets for slander or bullying from those who fear truth or have a vested interest in impression management. To welcome truth could open up the possibility for persons to think for themselves or even draw conclusions that aren’t well managed.
“To admit we are weak, foolish, and in need of repentance gives the vindictive and self-righteous camp plenty of ammunition to turn against us…”, writes Dan Allendar. Mean-spiritedness is the proven pattern of behavior of those who employ impression management. Put simply-they hate truth and truth-tellers and work overtime to squash or discourage both.
Jack faced a difficult situation. As a leader in his organization, he observed a new leader come in and begin to subtly malign board members and others a part of the leadership of the organization. If Jack spoke out, he would be branded as disloyal and incapable of adjusting to a new “leadership style”. To remain silent was to be complicit. He struggled for weeks and sensed a growing conviction that he had to speak up, to at least raise the issue with the new leader and try and get perspective. It was risky-he had watched a few others attempt the same and suffer for it. But the failure to do so would make it hard to live with himself. He decided to address the style and substance of the new leader and attempted to do so in a respectful, collegial way. “Give him the benefit of the doubt, seek first to understand”, he thought to himself. At first it seemed to have been well received, the leader said he would give it some thought. But within weeks it became obvious to Jack and others around him that Jack was the new target of insinuations and accusations. Jack felt himself being isolated, marginalized, left out of key meetings. Some of the people who reported to him were encouraged to do end runs. Long term colleagues within the organization began to distance themselves from him. Those seeking to advance or get close to the new leader, caught on quickly to this new “leadership style” and began to spin impressions about jack, suggesting that perhaps his leadership was no longer needed or-quite frankly- wanted.
“I couldn’t believe what was happening,” jack said. “People who knew my heart and with whom I had worked for years got totally caught up in the impression management. At first I wanted to fight back, to do some spinning of my own. But my small group challenged me to take another course of action.”
Jack’s small group urged him to stand strong, speak truth and use this season as an opportunity to be a recipient of and agent of grace.
“Henri Nouwen’s Wounded Healer and the book, Ascent of a Leader became my guides and constant companions in this difficult and challenging time. The psalms and Philippians came alive as never before. At times phrases just leapt off the pages as the spirit drove them home in my heart. What first was an experienced as a time of oppression and pain, became a time of formation as God used the difficulty of the situation as fuel for the fire of shaping my character.”
It wasn’t long till the new leader’s persecution moved on to someone else. After a short time things began to spin out of control for the new leader and after a short while longer, he was confronted by the board and asked to leave.
“I was scary how good this guy was at blaming others,” Jack reflected on the situation, “but it was more scary how quickly the culture of the organization began to reflect the character , style and practices of this leader!”
Truth is meant for community. It is necessary for a community to be healthy and alive. “Growing character in community requires entering into the tension that we want the truth, yet we don’t want it…” Dan Allendar observes. Far too many Christian communities are more interested in maintaining the status quo than in being transformed by the truth.
Our greatest fear and our deepest hunger is to be a part of communities that pursue the truth. We desire to know and to be known. We long to become like Christ, even if we at times cannot express that or give words to the longing.
We sense we are created for wholeness, but we hide. We, like Jack’s leader , work to manage impressions and keep others at arm’s length.
But the wholeness we desire is not at arm's length. It comes when we accept the full embrace of God's grace.
Got Grace?