PS 103
If there is one thing comforting about this idea of reflection and remembering, it’s that it has been around a long time.
Jesus, like any good Jew, would have walked through the Jewish year (not the Christian one). And one thing we know is the Jewish year is designed around remembering! Safe to say—one of the major themes of Bible is forgetfulness of people of Israel! And I think it is safe to say, it carries through to people like us!
Now lest we get sentimental about remembering - Ash Wednesday does something kind of startling for us - it’s not a season designed to remind us of the nostalgia for the good old days.
We are asked to remember we are all sinners in need of a new heart. Leads us into season of Lent that reminds us that the new heart didn’t come cheaply—and, of course, Lent doesn’t come to a close till it’s taken us to the Cross and then finally and thankfully Easter.
Yesterday was Ash Wednesday. As I’m sure you know, Ash Wednesday begins the time in the church year known as Lent (I confess there was a time when I thought of Lent and other "seasons" of the church as useless liturgy. I’ve begun to learn they are actually a guide for intentional rhythm and spiritual formation.) approximately 40 days leading up to Easter.
I was in drug store last week – they were taking down all the Valentine’s Day stuff, the clerk was clearing shelves, etc.– I asked, "What’s next?" St. Patrick’s Day! Later, I thought to myself – we don’t have to worry about the commercialization of Ash Wednesday/Lent!
Of course, the day before Ash Wednesday is "Fat Tuesday/Mardi Gras" that has been well commercialized and more! I heard the mayor of Rio de Janeiro interviewed: "We want to be known for taking excess to a whole new level." Thanks, Mr. Mayor, that’s what we need . . .
Ash Wednesday, on other hand, calls us to reflection – a season of intentional reflection and repentance. This is not something we are inclined easily to do.
Earlier this week I had the chance to hear Fr. Condelemessa, Chaplain to the Vatican for 27 years – he is now in his late 70s! A Franciscan, quite an amazing and delightful man as you might imagine. He even looks like what you might imagine St. Francis looked like. In his talk of great tragedy of the loss of memory in the church today – the almost cultish way we are captivated by trends and what’s hot in the news – he said, "To live in such times with storms of news, world crises, and information overload, our hearts must be anchored solidly in the person of Christ; if we are anchored, we will remember."
Lately we have been reading the book The Cube and the Cathedral; a very thoughtful challenge to Americans (American Christians) to learn from the forgetfulness of Europe and its loss of Christian identity and inpact on culture. It is a very sobering and wise reflection on cultural identity and the foundational ideals of democracy and the danger of forgetfulness.
A friend of mine, John Van Zytveld, says, "If you lose a generation, it’s very hard to ever recover as a nation and as a people."
Popular game shows have been developed around the remembering of trivia. Perhaps in this season of Lent, we can shift our memory from trivial pursuit to pursuit of things that matter.
One of my favorite writers says it this way,
You alone bring order to the unruly wills and affections of sinners:
May we love what You command, and desire what You promise,
So that, among the swift and varied changes of this world,
Our hearts may be fixed where true joy is to be found.
Venite, Robert Benson, ed.
Monday, April 23, 2007
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
bullies
Bullies
I know it comes as a shock to most of you that there are bullies in the Church . . . not. It isn’t long into serving in any Christian organization until we encounter someone who is determined to have his/her way. Whether it be by manipulation, force of personality, use or abuse of power or position, or a combination of all of the above, we are likely to encounter “the bully.” Contrary to popular opinion, they come in all shapes and sizes. They can be male or female, old or young, new to the faith, or long time member of the Church or organization.
And like the playground bully of school days, they must be checked or they will leave a trail of hurt, discouragement, and damage in their wake.
Where Do They Come From?
Most often bullies get into leadership positions by bluffing their way in. They convince people they are decisive, in control, without doubt or fear, and tough. Sometimes they use physical presence, voice inflections, or emotions to push their agenda. Nearly always in Christian organizations they are also skilled at playing the “God card” and often have mastered the use of religious language as a demonstration of their spiritual authority. Organizations facing tough challenges or coming out of a scandal are especially prone to the temptation of turning to the bully.
But as most organizational consultants will tell you, behind the bully’s “in-control bullying” façade is a black hole of insecurity. Bullies often are covering up brokenness and inadequacies and are in hope that their use of power and control will deflect others from knowing what’s really going on in their lives. But like the black hole, if the bullies are unchecked, they can quickly suck the spirit out of a group and change the ethos of an organization to one of fear, distrust, and insecurity.
Of course, as we frequently hear in sports, the best offense is a good defense. When organizations are vulnerable due to the circumstances or transitions that have destabilized things, those charged with oversight must guard against abdicating responsibility or seeking “easy” solutions that may come in the form of a bully disguised as a leader.
Boards, elders, and other oversight groups must guard against “short-circuiting” recruitment and search processes. Healthy organizations work hard to insure checks and balances are in place and that no one person or group manipulates to achieve his/her own agenda. In a recent issue of Harvard Business Review, researchers identified the #1 mistake organizations make in CEO successions is failure to follow a clear, purposeful, and mission driven search process. The lesson is clear; it’s much easier to do it right the first time than to fix it after the wrong person is in place.
Invariably, however, bullies sometimes find or force their way into leadership. Then what? Quite simply stand your ground and do the right thing. In most instances people will begin to realize fairly quickly when a mistake has been made. Bullies show their colors and soon start pushing people around, ganging up on people, or “ringing people’s tree” as one described it. While the temptation may be to retreat or abandon ship, when boards or groups realize a bully is attempting to take over, they must speak the truth, stand their ground, and hold the leader accountable. If a mistake has been made, fix it—there are no advantages that outweigh fixing a bad situation, while avoiding it or hoping for the best may seem like an alternative, we all know it simply prolongs the pain. In some cases (a very few) it may be that an executive coach, accountability group, or very clear management plan can rein in the bully and redeem the situation. However, most consultants will tell you this rarely works because it fails to deal with the fundamental problem—the character of the bully. Bullies are seldom wrong and never in doubt.
Bill Thrall, one of the authors of Ascent of a Leader and a highly sought after executive leadership coach, has observed, “Bullies have a way of smelling when an organization is feeling vulnerable and projecting themselves as the solution. Organizations would do well to do a 1 Corinthians:13 background check on any an every person seeking leadership to guard against making a mistake and putting a bully into leadership.” He then suggests four character traits to consider when evaluating if you have a bully on your hands. Is the person:
(1) Impulsive or Decisive
Good leadership seeks to gather as much and the best information possible before making a decision. Bullies don’t worry about the facts, they know what they want the decision to be and gather any information (true or false) they need to justify it.
(2) Secure or Insecure
Bullies are threatened by strength, competency, and capable people. They often move quickly to move people out who are strong and move people in who are weak, inexperienced, or submissive because they believe it makes them look good. Real leaders surround themselves with gifted, talented people because their ultimate goal is to advance the organization, not prop up an insecure ego.
(3) Into Self-Promotion or Kingdom Advancement
The bully will seek and use every opportunity available to put down others and promote themselves. Bullies frequently use lines like, “I’m here to bring order out of the chaos,” or “Luckily I discovered X and have saved the situation,” or “I have made the hard decisions others couldn’t make.” Good leaders focus on the mission, or honoring others, and on sharing praise with those who have shared the work.
(4) Into Full Disclosure or Secrecy
Bullies fear people knowing the truth, the whole story. They attempt to hide their manipulation or workings behind secrecy or partial disclosure. Good leaders, while respecting confidentiality when necessary, insure that enough key people know the truth of the full context of a situation to guard against personal agendas or decisions made reactively. Good leaders employ Kingdom values of redemption, reconciliation, restoration, and forgiveness. Bullies want to punish, put down, marginalize, and discredit others, particularly if they feel it elevates them in some way.
Perhaps never before has the Christian world been in need of good leaders as it is now. Estimates from many management consultants suggest that 40-60% of current senior leadership in Christian organizations will transition out of leadership in the next ten years. Exciting things are happening around the globe. There is a spiritual hunger in our culture and in other cultures that is unparalleled in human history.
One of the greatest tragedies will be if we miss this opportunity because of a leadership implosion. Equally tragic will be Christian groups who miss their opportunity to serve because the organization submitted to the bully in their midst. The greatest responsibility of any board is to steward the mission of the organization and the greatest manifestation of stewardship is in the selection of its leaders.
Steve Moore
January 2007
I know it comes as a shock to most of you that there are bullies in the Church . . . not. It isn’t long into serving in any Christian organization until we encounter someone who is determined to have his/her way. Whether it be by manipulation, force of personality, use or abuse of power or position, or a combination of all of the above, we are likely to encounter “the bully.” Contrary to popular opinion, they come in all shapes and sizes. They can be male or female, old or young, new to the faith, or long time member of the Church or organization.
And like the playground bully of school days, they must be checked or they will leave a trail of hurt, discouragement, and damage in their wake.
Where Do They Come From?
Most often bullies get into leadership positions by bluffing their way in. They convince people they are decisive, in control, without doubt or fear, and tough. Sometimes they use physical presence, voice inflections, or emotions to push their agenda. Nearly always in Christian organizations they are also skilled at playing the “God card” and often have mastered the use of religious language as a demonstration of their spiritual authority. Organizations facing tough challenges or coming out of a scandal are especially prone to the temptation of turning to the bully.
But as most organizational consultants will tell you, behind the bully’s “in-control bullying” façade is a black hole of insecurity. Bullies often are covering up brokenness and inadequacies and are in hope that their use of power and control will deflect others from knowing what’s really going on in their lives. But like the black hole, if the bullies are unchecked, they can quickly suck the spirit out of a group and change the ethos of an organization to one of fear, distrust, and insecurity.
Of course, as we frequently hear in sports, the best offense is a good defense. When organizations are vulnerable due to the circumstances or transitions that have destabilized things, those charged with oversight must guard against abdicating responsibility or seeking “easy” solutions that may come in the form of a bully disguised as a leader.
Boards, elders, and other oversight groups must guard against “short-circuiting” recruitment and search processes. Healthy organizations work hard to insure checks and balances are in place and that no one person or group manipulates to achieve his/her own agenda. In a recent issue of Harvard Business Review, researchers identified the #1 mistake organizations make in CEO successions is failure to follow a clear, purposeful, and mission driven search process. The lesson is clear; it’s much easier to do it right the first time than to fix it after the wrong person is in place.
Invariably, however, bullies sometimes find or force their way into leadership. Then what? Quite simply stand your ground and do the right thing. In most instances people will begin to realize fairly quickly when a mistake has been made. Bullies show their colors and soon start pushing people around, ganging up on people, or “ringing people’s tree” as one described it. While the temptation may be to retreat or abandon ship, when boards or groups realize a bully is attempting to take over, they must speak the truth, stand their ground, and hold the leader accountable. If a mistake has been made, fix it—there are no advantages that outweigh fixing a bad situation, while avoiding it or hoping for the best may seem like an alternative, we all know it simply prolongs the pain. In some cases (a very few) it may be that an executive coach, accountability group, or very clear management plan can rein in the bully and redeem the situation. However, most consultants will tell you this rarely works because it fails to deal with the fundamental problem—the character of the bully. Bullies are seldom wrong and never in doubt.
Bill Thrall, one of the authors of Ascent of a Leader and a highly sought after executive leadership coach, has observed, “Bullies have a way of smelling when an organization is feeling vulnerable and projecting themselves as the solution. Organizations would do well to do a 1 Corinthians:13 background check on any an every person seeking leadership to guard against making a mistake and putting a bully into leadership.” He then suggests four character traits to consider when evaluating if you have a bully on your hands. Is the person:
(1) Impulsive or Decisive
Good leadership seeks to gather as much and the best information possible before making a decision. Bullies don’t worry about the facts, they know what they want the decision to be and gather any information (true or false) they need to justify it.
(2) Secure or Insecure
Bullies are threatened by strength, competency, and capable people. They often move quickly to move people out who are strong and move people in who are weak, inexperienced, or submissive because they believe it makes them look good. Real leaders surround themselves with gifted, talented people because their ultimate goal is to advance the organization, not prop up an insecure ego.
(3) Into Self-Promotion or Kingdom Advancement
The bully will seek and use every opportunity available to put down others and promote themselves. Bullies frequently use lines like, “I’m here to bring order out of the chaos,” or “Luckily I discovered X and have saved the situation,” or “I have made the hard decisions others couldn’t make.” Good leaders focus on the mission, or honoring others, and on sharing praise with those who have shared the work.
(4) Into Full Disclosure or Secrecy
Bullies fear people knowing the truth, the whole story. They attempt to hide their manipulation or workings behind secrecy or partial disclosure. Good leaders, while respecting confidentiality when necessary, insure that enough key people know the truth of the full context of a situation to guard against personal agendas or decisions made reactively. Good leaders employ Kingdom values of redemption, reconciliation, restoration, and forgiveness. Bullies want to punish, put down, marginalize, and discredit others, particularly if they feel it elevates them in some way.
Perhaps never before has the Christian world been in need of good leaders as it is now. Estimates from many management consultants suggest that 40-60% of current senior leadership in Christian organizations will transition out of leadership in the next ten years. Exciting things are happening around the globe. There is a spiritual hunger in our culture and in other cultures that is unparalleled in human history.
One of the greatest tragedies will be if we miss this opportunity because of a leadership implosion. Equally tragic will be Christian groups who miss their opportunity to serve because the organization submitted to the bully in their midst. The greatest responsibility of any board is to steward the mission of the organization and the greatest manifestation of stewardship is in the selection of its leaders.
Steve Moore
January 2007
Thursday, November 2, 2006
Impression Management
We live in a world full of impression management. Spin-masters twist lies and half-truths to appear as truth. Manipulative leaders utilize power and control-the twin tools of deceit- to convince people of their leadership purposes and plans. They feign humility through the mild acknowledgement of minor transgressions and the promoting of high sounding self-righteousness.
Thank god for truth.
Truth is powerful and liberating. When it is set free it cuts through impression management like a hot knife in butter. Nonetheless we often avoid the truth. And unlike impression management, truth is not loud or fast talking. It is patient, steady and waiting to be invited into places where it may not be completely wanted.
A commitment to be persons of truth can sometimes make us targets for slander or bullying from those who fear truth or have a vested interest in impression management. To welcome truth could open up the possibility for persons to think for themselves or even draw conclusions that aren’t well managed.
“To admit we are weak, foolish, and in need of repentance gives the vindictive and self-righteous camp plenty of ammunition to turn against us…”, writes Dan Allendar. Mean-spiritedness is the proven pattern of behavior of those who employ impression management. Put simply-they hate truth and truth-tellers and work overtime to squash or discourage both.
Jack faced a difficult situation. As a leader in his organization, he observed a new leader come in and begin to subtly malign board members and others a part of the leadership of the organization. If Jack spoke out, he would be branded as disloyal and incapable of adjusting to a new “leadership style”. To remain silent was to be complicit. He struggled for weeks and sensed a growing conviction that he had to speak up, to at least raise the issue with the new leader and try and get perspective. It was risky-he had watched a few others attempt the same and suffer for it. But the failure to do so would make it hard to live with himself. He decided to address the style and substance of the new leader and attempted to do so in a respectful, collegial way. “Give him the benefit of the doubt, seek first to understand”, he thought to himself. At first it seemed to have been well received, the leader said he would give it some thought. But within weeks it became obvious to Jack and others around him that Jack was the new target of insinuations and accusations. Jack felt himself being isolated, marginalized, left out of key meetings. Some of the people who reported to him were encouraged to do end runs. Long term colleagues within the organization began to distance themselves from him. Those seeking to advance or get close to the new leader, caught on quickly to this new “leadership style” and began to spin impressions about jack, suggesting that perhaps his leadership was no longer needed or-quite frankly- wanted.
“I couldn’t believe what was happening,” jack said. “People who knew my heart and with whom I had worked for years got totally caught up in the impression management. At first I wanted to fight back, to do some spinning of my own. But my small group challenged me to take another course of action.”
Jack’s small group urged him to stand strong, speak truth and use this season as an opportunity to be a recipient of and agent of grace.
“Henri Nouwen’s Wounded Healer and the book, Ascent of a Leader became my guides and constant companions in this difficult and challenging time. The psalms and Philippians came alive as never before. At times phrases just leapt off the pages as the spirit drove them home in my heart. What first was an experienced as a time of oppression and pain, became a time of formation as God used the difficulty of the situation as fuel for the fire of shaping my character.”
It wasn’t long till the new leader’s persecution moved on to someone else. After a short time things began to spin out of control for the new leader and after a short while longer, he was confronted by the board and asked to leave.
“I was scary how good this guy was at blaming others,” Jack reflected on the situation, “but it was more scary how quickly the culture of the organization began to reflect the character , style and practices of this leader!”
Truth is meant for community. It is necessary for a community to be healthy and alive. “Growing character in community requires entering into the tension that we want the truth, yet we don’t want it…” Dan Allendar observes. Far too many Christian communities are more interested in maintaining the status quo than in being transformed by the truth.
Our greatest fear and our deepest hunger is to be a part of communities that pursue the truth. We desire to know and to be known. We long to become like Christ, even if we at times cannot express that or give words to the longing.
We sense we are created for wholeness, but we hide. We, like Jack’s leader , work to manage impressions and keep others at arm’s length.
But the wholeness we desire is not at arm's length. It comes when we accept the full embrace of God's grace.
Got Grace?
Thank god for truth.
Truth is powerful and liberating. When it is set free it cuts through impression management like a hot knife in butter. Nonetheless we often avoid the truth. And unlike impression management, truth is not loud or fast talking. It is patient, steady and waiting to be invited into places where it may not be completely wanted.
A commitment to be persons of truth can sometimes make us targets for slander or bullying from those who fear truth or have a vested interest in impression management. To welcome truth could open up the possibility for persons to think for themselves or even draw conclusions that aren’t well managed.
“To admit we are weak, foolish, and in need of repentance gives the vindictive and self-righteous camp plenty of ammunition to turn against us…”, writes Dan Allendar. Mean-spiritedness is the proven pattern of behavior of those who employ impression management. Put simply-they hate truth and truth-tellers and work overtime to squash or discourage both.
Jack faced a difficult situation. As a leader in his organization, he observed a new leader come in and begin to subtly malign board members and others a part of the leadership of the organization. If Jack spoke out, he would be branded as disloyal and incapable of adjusting to a new “leadership style”. To remain silent was to be complicit. He struggled for weeks and sensed a growing conviction that he had to speak up, to at least raise the issue with the new leader and try and get perspective. It was risky-he had watched a few others attempt the same and suffer for it. But the failure to do so would make it hard to live with himself. He decided to address the style and substance of the new leader and attempted to do so in a respectful, collegial way. “Give him the benefit of the doubt, seek first to understand”, he thought to himself. At first it seemed to have been well received, the leader said he would give it some thought. But within weeks it became obvious to Jack and others around him that Jack was the new target of insinuations and accusations. Jack felt himself being isolated, marginalized, left out of key meetings. Some of the people who reported to him were encouraged to do end runs. Long term colleagues within the organization began to distance themselves from him. Those seeking to advance or get close to the new leader, caught on quickly to this new “leadership style” and began to spin impressions about jack, suggesting that perhaps his leadership was no longer needed or-quite frankly- wanted.
“I couldn’t believe what was happening,” jack said. “People who knew my heart and with whom I had worked for years got totally caught up in the impression management. At first I wanted to fight back, to do some spinning of my own. But my small group challenged me to take another course of action.”
Jack’s small group urged him to stand strong, speak truth and use this season as an opportunity to be a recipient of and agent of grace.
“Henri Nouwen’s Wounded Healer and the book, Ascent of a Leader became my guides and constant companions in this difficult and challenging time. The psalms and Philippians came alive as never before. At times phrases just leapt off the pages as the spirit drove them home in my heart. What first was an experienced as a time of oppression and pain, became a time of formation as God used the difficulty of the situation as fuel for the fire of shaping my character.”
It wasn’t long till the new leader’s persecution moved on to someone else. After a short time things began to spin out of control for the new leader and after a short while longer, he was confronted by the board and asked to leave.
“I was scary how good this guy was at blaming others,” Jack reflected on the situation, “but it was more scary how quickly the culture of the organization began to reflect the character , style and practices of this leader!”
Truth is meant for community. It is necessary for a community to be healthy and alive. “Growing character in community requires entering into the tension that we want the truth, yet we don’t want it…” Dan Allendar observes. Far too many Christian communities are more interested in maintaining the status quo than in being transformed by the truth.
Our greatest fear and our deepest hunger is to be a part of communities that pursue the truth. We desire to know and to be known. We long to become like Christ, even if we at times cannot express that or give words to the longing.
We sense we are created for wholeness, but we hide. We, like Jack’s leader , work to manage impressions and keep others at arm’s length.
But the wholeness we desire is not at arm's length. It comes when we accept the full embrace of God's grace.
Got Grace?
Sunday, September 24, 2006
breathe
I finally broke down and watched a couple of episodes of Lost. It is not one I will be setting my schedule around but it does have a story line that speaks volumes about our day.
For those uninitiated, a plane crash occurs on a deserted island. The survivors are trying to make their way and gradually discover the island is not as deserted as they thought. The thing that makes it interesting is the gradual discovery of each character by flashbacks that give glimpses into key moments of their lives that help you understand some of who and why they are who they are.
It is true of all of our lives that the experiences of our lives are significant in the formation of who we are. The mistake of our day is the idea that if one can identify those significant moments, and with a little help, weave those together properly, then one can make sense of life.
The missing piece is the fact that our story is part of a much bigger story, which if we don't understand it, leaves us without the single most important piece of information that helps give meaning to our lives.
From the beginning of humankind's time on the earth, God has been trying to help us understand that bigger story. To make it really clear, he came in to our story in the flesh. Jesus, the Bible tells us, is God made understandable. If we welcome him into our story, then he not only helps make meaning, he guides us in the story's unfolding.
Got story?
For those uninitiated, a plane crash occurs on a deserted island. The survivors are trying to make their way and gradually discover the island is not as deserted as they thought. The thing that makes it interesting is the gradual discovery of each character by flashbacks that give glimpses into key moments of their lives that help you understand some of who and why they are who they are.
It is true of all of our lives that the experiences of our lives are significant in the formation of who we are. The mistake of our day is the idea that if one can identify those significant moments, and with a little help, weave those together properly, then one can make sense of life.
The missing piece is the fact that our story is part of a much bigger story, which if we don't understand it, leaves us without the single most important piece of information that helps give meaning to our lives.
From the beginning of humankind's time on the earth, God has been trying to help us understand that bigger story. To make it really clear, he came in to our story in the flesh. Jesus, the Bible tells us, is God made understandable. If we welcome him into our story, then he not only helps make meaning, he guides us in the story's unfolding.
Got story?
Sunday, September 17, 2006
thank god for truth
Thank God for truth.
Truth is a powerful and liberating force. When it is set free it cuts trough impression management like a hot knife in butter. But contrary to popular assumptions, truth is not loud, oppressive or showy. It is quiet, persistant and steady. Despite its appeal, we often avoid the truth. We sometimes prefer snap judgements, rumors or our preconceived ideas about the way things must be. To be confronted with the truth requires that we change. Sometimes its a change of opinion, often it is a change of life. Sometimes its a reorientation, often it requires repentance. Truth is massively inconvenient that way.
A commitment to be persons of truth can sometimes make us targets for slander or abuse from those who fear truth or have a vested interest in impression management. Vaclev Havel once remarked that all oppressive regimes are most violent in the final throes of their existence. I imagine that that is true in part because oppressive regimes, oppressive organizations and oppressive people depend so much on power, control and the use of half-truth.
What is our commitment to truth to look like? The Message says it this way, "God wants us to grow up, to know the whole truth and tell it in love-like Christ is everything." (EPH.4:15)
Got Truth?
Truth is a powerful and liberating force. When it is set free it cuts trough impression management like a hot knife in butter. But contrary to popular assumptions, truth is not loud, oppressive or showy. It is quiet, persistant and steady. Despite its appeal, we often avoid the truth. We sometimes prefer snap judgements, rumors or our preconceived ideas about the way things must be. To be confronted with the truth requires that we change. Sometimes its a change of opinion, often it is a change of life. Sometimes its a reorientation, often it requires repentance. Truth is massively inconvenient that way.
A commitment to be persons of truth can sometimes make us targets for slander or abuse from those who fear truth or have a vested interest in impression management. Vaclev Havel once remarked that all oppressive regimes are most violent in the final throes of their existence. I imagine that that is true in part because oppressive regimes, oppressive organizations and oppressive people depend so much on power, control and the use of half-truth.
What is our commitment to truth to look like? The Message says it this way, "God wants us to grow up, to know the whole truth and tell it in love-like Christ is everything." (EPH.4:15)
Got Truth?
Saturday, September 16, 2006
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